The feeling brings back memories of Canberra in the eighties. My first job out of school was as a Registration Clerk for a law firm in the city. That job title, in case you’re wondering, is a fancy name for a Glorified Gofer. Go for this, go for that. I have memories of walking the city centre in the rain with my umbrella, my carry-all and the list of places I needed to go. Every person out was in their own little world. The borders of each as clear as the dry space under their umbrella. Cold, rainy, blustery weather and every umbrella signalled the holder’s own place of safety.
I loved doing my rounds in the rain. The city would be quiet. There was a sense of aloneness. A stillness. No one was out unless they had to. Coffee shops filled as people went seeking the warmth of others, the comfort of human closeness. I prefered to be outside, walking the city under my umbrella.
It was comforting to be alone like that. I could let go of all the things I was meant to be, the me that I portrayed for others. Let go of the wall that surrounded me. I could be the hurt little girl, safe at last in her own little sanctuary. No expectations and no pressure in my little world. No need to worry about someone seeing me as everyone out was only thinking of reaching a place of warmth.
This little trek down memory lane does leave me with the question… do I have a minor case of the Rainy Day Blues, or is there something amiss in my mind tonight? Besides the usual of wanting to be in the arms of my love.