I lost my temper yesterday.
I’ve been angry and lost my temper before, so there’s nothing unique about that. Yesterday, I felt the anger rising and didn’t bury it, didn’t push it away. I let it come. I let it out. I even swore. A lot. What did Chris do? Seeing as he was on the receiving end of my temper…
It didn’t feel good getting angry. To feel it swell up like a red tide, unstoppable and breaking over everything inside me, shattering into a million tiny pieces. And afterwards? The tears fell.
I know Chris is right, that “anger is part of a healthy emotional spectrum”. Knowing doesn’t make it easy. I have a lifetime behind me of hiding my anger, hiding every strong emotion. I’ll take yesterday as another step forward… I guess. Although, I will need to learn a better way to deal with anger.
Chris asked the other day if I thought the fog was brought on by unexpressed anger. “I’m not angry with anyone“. He didn’t say anything, but I could feel the word hang in the air… “Exactly”. It’s not anger alone, it’s every strong emotion, good and bad.