Yep. No boyfriend, no friends, no job, a dysfunctional, controlling, unsupportive family… and I could very well become homeless shortly. All just in time for Christmas, in case things didn’t look bad enough.
Really, it actually is good.
I’ve woken up this morning without the red-rimmed and puffy eyes. I’m tired. I still feel a bone deep sadness. I’m not certain what my next step is. Yet, even with all of the above… I feel hope shining.
Last night I heard the stories of a number of my son’s friends. So young to be so cynical already *shakes head* I spoke to and listened to my son and his girlfriend. I told them of my break-up. We spoke about J’s upbringing *shakes head* We spoke of my parent’s upbringing and my own, some of the circumstances that created the different outcomes my brother and I had. We spoke about my son’s father and his upbringing. We spoke about my son’s upbringing. We spoke about dysfunction and moving past it.
My son feels powerless against my parents… much as I have my whole life. I suspected as much. It’s good that he could talk to me about it. He’s emotionally more secure than I ever was, he believes and trusts more than I ever did, but he still has this overwhelming feeling that he’s powerless where they’re concerned. I may have done some things right when I brought him up on my own, but there are some mistakes to put right. So, whether we receive our eviction or not, we will move and we will learn to live what life has to offer… away from the control of my parents. This damaged trio have agreed to learn to rewrite our lives. We’ll write our own future, instead of living the future others want to give us. We’re taking control.
And more… I even spent some time on Skype with one of my contacts. It’s hard to remember the last time I laughed so much. I know I have, just not recently. He tried to tempt me to return to the game we played, but agreed I need a little more emotional stability before I consider it. Dare I hope that I haven’t cleared all of the friends I was making? That I will leave myself with a couple of friends this time?
Yep, today I feel… hope.
Life is good.