#reverb10 – Everything’s OK

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

There is a post on December 5 that I think shows the turning point for me, that everything was going to be alright. It was three days after the break-up and I really had been hanging on by a thread. I’m not past it all by a long shot. I know that, but in that post I described a moment that I admitted love to myself. I wanted to stay and not disappear inside. It was a big moment.

The one who feels unloveable sat on the steps of the headland watching the waves break and smiled. Can I say that at that moment I loved myself enough to stay? Is that what it means? I think so. It still hurts, but for the first time since Thursday I actually believe I’ll make it.

I’ve carried that moment from the headland with me since then. I woke up the following morning with a post called Life is Good. Things sucked, but life felt good. Even when I’ve felt myself begin to spiral out of control, or things start to feel too much, that moment of self-love and the hope it created exists.

That moment has already turned into weeks of me stepping each day into a future where I do love myself. I step towards next year depressed & angry, but at the same time I step towards next year wanting to heal, wanting to learn new behaviours and wanting to put the past to rest. It’s been long enough and I’m worth it.

{Future tool: Gwen Bell – How to Create Your Personal Manifesto. For the next 8 days as you round out your year, we’ll share one tool each day to help you plan your year ahead.}

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