Argh! I wanted to shout at myself this morning… Why the fuck can’t you just be happy??!! You see, I went to sleep in a great mood, better than I’ve had in what felt like weeks. Pure happiness. Bliss. Absolute bliss.
Then I woke up with that whole… the world really, really sucks feeling. Sigh. I tried recapturing my good pre-sleep mood. I tried pushing away the crap. I tried flushing it, stomping on it. Ugh!
I wanted to yell at myself, shout at myself… Just! Scream! Profanities!
Then I stopped.
I don’t do this to anyone else who’s feeling down, or stressed… do I?
No. No, I don’t.
So I shouldn’t abuse myself for feeling. Abusing myself doesn’t help. Really, I just want to know someone cares, that someone is listening without judgement. Isn’t that all any of us wants?
It was such a lightbulb moment for me. Again. This lightbulb has been flashing on and off for a while.
I had a little conversation with myself and it ends up that I’m tired. Not enough sleep again. There’s so much to do, so many things to plan for and I’m tired.
Oh. My poor self *hug* I should relax a little more and take the time to sit back and chill out. Yeah, okay, I didn’t have any real practical advice for myself. But, that’s not what I needed. I just wanted someone to care, to listen. I felt tired and overburdened… and lonely.
It helped. I could smile again. I was still tired and feeling pressured. I was still sitting there facing my lists alone, but I didn’t feel quite so lonely. What a difference when I can remember to be kind to myself.
(Electrician needed desperately! Must be able to keep faulty lightbulbs lit!)