There was a tweet from the #reverb10 team on the 5th asking…
Hey #reverb10 folks – five days into 2011, are you focusing on what you wrote for the 12/1 one word prompt? How’s it going?
Oh yeah. Hmm, I wrote something about, umm, *blush* the word *takes a trip back to that post* free…
One word. 2011. Free. Whew. This time next year, I really would love to look back over the year and think to myself that I’m Free. Free to feel. Free of the compulsion inside to hide. Free to be imperfect.
Am I focused on it? Besides the little glitch in remembering the word and having to look it up, I think I am on a good start…
Free to feel… I’m letting myself feel everyday. Probably more importantly, I’m accepting that my feelings are okay. They’re a part of me. I may not like what I feel at times, but once I get past the gunk covering everything… feeling isn’t such a bad thing.
Free of the compulsion to hide… I’ve made certain commitments for this year, blogging every day, therapy, a certain number of ‘reaching out’ moments every week.
Free to be imperfect… I’m working on being more honest and open about where I am at any given time. If a bad day follows a good one, well so be it. That’s where I am at that time. I’m letting go of a lot of the frustration I feel with bad days and being willing to say… today sucks, I’m afraid, I’m confused, I’m sad, I’m happy… as well as why. I’m not perfect and I’m working on being open about that. I’ve also been compiling a list of things I want to take part in this year, things I’ve put off or not done in a while because of fear, of not wanting to be, hmm, well vulnerable.
Free… The depression is a symptom of my thought processes, of stress. My new worst enemy is adrenaline… I’ll talk about that another day. Between therapy, my action lists, growing inside, getting involved in life again as well as healing the damage within, I can see myself being free. Free to be me.