The questions…

QuestionsThere are two questions that I’ve been getting lately on Skype…

The first question… Did you finish that course in retail you were doing?

This one is easy. Yes! Only three of us passed… out of 17 starters! But. It reminded me that I never posted about it on the blog.

What now? Yesterday was the last day of my short course! I passed and received my certificate… one of only three that did pass, out of seventeen starters. Ouch, not a big pass rate. Even so, I’m pleased with my achievement.

I was so excited that afternoon when I had been told I’d made it. I had to tell someone. My mother was the only one around, so I told her. She responded that she knew I would, that she’d seen the work I was putting into the course. Granted, I’m never quite sure what reaction I’ll receive from her, but she can be positive and supportive. This was one of those times. I guess having had our big blow out a week ago we can afford to be kind.

I find myself wondering about the future. What it holds and where will it take me? or I should say where will I take me? The whole Begin With the End in Sight thing running through my head. I really don’t know what End in Sight I have now.

I just know I’m free to choose. Kind of. I do need to keep my son and his girlfriend in mind with any decisions.

Unpublished post 17 December 2010

I didn’t post it. I had to look at my responses to #reverb10 to see what was going on… nothing showed a reason that I couldn’t post it.

I wrote it. Saved it. Left it.

The second question… Are you well now? You quit because of some health issue?

Oh. This one I avoid answering if I can. Almost every single time. I have no idea how to answer it. If I’m pushed, then I say… I’m doing well, fine now, or some other crappy platitude. I hate it. I want… honesty? I want… something. I’m not really sure what I want. Yes, I’m doing better. Am I past it? Not really. Am I better? I’m better. Am I well? No.

Of course, the third question I expect and never get is… How is Chris? They must already know. Maybe that’s why I have problems with the second question. I can’t seem to lose the thought… these are His friends.

I realise I have two totally different reactions to the second question, depending on who asked. From one server I have no problems answering, but then most of those people don’t even know his name. I had a silent dual. The other server… these are His friends. I freeze. I can’t answer.

I’m not sure what to do about my reaction. One part of me says… they wouldn’t ask if they didn’t want to know. They care about what happens to you too. Another part says… these are His friends. Why are they asking?

Of course, having finished yesterday’s post on my sleep battle, I realise this battle began around the same time the questions began. Connection. It’s fear of connecting with these people? Something to think on… or dream on. If I can sleep. I see no solution, although it’s probably staring me in the face. Jump in if you have some insight. I rarely bite.


Image: graur codrin /


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