NE mail – June 2005

I said change of subject and that’s what we have… Ohhh, the things I find on my hardrive! Almost 6 years ago, during my isolation. I was coming out (testing the water so to speak) and had a series of conversations in email… I reread these and wonder what sent me back into isolation. Why couldn’t I stay out? Fear I guess. Let’s not think about why right now. Let’s just remember as there are some good messages within…

Woohoo, you brought back the blue, lol.

Choice is an interesting subject. So much of life is all about choice if we only take the time to see that. Understanding our choices and the results makes life interesting even though the choices aren’t always so easy. This subject I’m leaving here as I ‘dwell’ on it some more.

Understanding precedes knowledge, which of course makes perfect sense.

I’m glad you pointed out about my memories of being happy all being in the past. It really made me sit up and ask myself why I don’t want to see that I’m happy NOW. I used to have particular dreams, I still do have them occasionally, I called them my dejavu dreams, they often happened when life seemed at it’s lowest and it would be a simple thing in the dream that came true in life; horse riding somewhere new, a conversation with a person, or as simple as walking around a corner and watching a white cat disappear into a drain or Victor eating a sandwich in the front yard. It took me years to realise what the dreams were telling me, take notice and enjoy what is around me right now. Maybe I didn’t take it in as I should have. This week I have tried to put this into practice. My problem was worrying too much about what is going on elsewhere, or in someone else’s life or later or last week, etc. So I have been weening myself off worry, lol. I’ve been trying to give myself a 10 minute window to worry my heart out about those things that really aren’t worth worrying about and then let it go and get on with my day. So far so good, my days have been wonderful.

What is ‘pleasant’ and why are people’s perceptions of what is pleasant or attractive different? That is a question I have never thought about (what a surprise, not, lol). I see that it would depend on the person and what is pleasurable to that person. We all have our own tastes, desires and thoughts on what is important, etc. We could say that it has to do with upbringing and culture and society but even twins can like different things. We have ‘freedom of choice’ and over time our tastes may change or be reinforced by what is happening in our life; work, family, society, culture, etc.

Smarty pants, being on holiday all the time 😉 I’m going to take that idea home with me I’ve decided. Life is just so full of wonder and fun everyday that I’m going to get on with it, enough with excuses.

A smoking cycle? I believe you described it when you were talking about choice. A cigarette triggers a chemical in the brain that is similar to morphine; it appears to calm a person who is stressed and appears to give a lift to a person who is tired, so it appears to be doing what the person believes they need. Of course, over time more and more is needed and you have the addiction to nicotine and the habit of smoking itself to deal with. That small pleasure has grown into an addiction that has to continue to avoid the pain of giving up and of course the health dangers of smoking. I used to say that I really enjoy the occasional cigarette but am too addicted to just have the occasional one so no longer really enjoy it at all.

Not my dogNow I know, I can hug Mitch the Great Dane without bending over and I could hug you without bending over too!

Sometimes, I feel like I go around in circles, but lately it seems each circle makes more sense and so doesn’t seem like the same circle at all! I have no idea if that statement makes sense, lol.

Am having a late night tonight as I have managed to get a cough, every time I lie down I cough and splutter so have been putting off going to sleep, of course.

Subject: RE: No longer sleep deprived
Date: Fri, 24 Jun 2005 12:46:44 +0530

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One thought on “NE mail – June 2005

  1. Pingback: NE mails June 2005 earlier « Randomly Mari

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