Rentals where I live aren’t cheap. For what we pay here for studio apartments, my friend way down south rents a three bedroom house. To be honest I have no interest in moving to the country. It’s that whole… nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there kind of thing, so I’ll make do with what I can afford here. Besides, I don’t feel it’s the right time for me to leave here yet.
Originally the only things on my rental checklist were… I can afford it and I can have the cats. Yep, that was it. It didn’t matter to me where it was, what condition it was in, whether there was off street parking, or even if it was near anything useful. It just had to be here, within budget and pet friendly. Well, I wouldn’t actually rent something where the surrounding area is littered with beer bottles and the sounds of screaming voices echo along the street. I’m not that silly!
Sure, the rental market for cheap rentals is tight up here, but that isn’t why my checklist was so short.
It’s because I’m afraid to want… something. I find it difficult to look at the future and say… this is how I’d like it to be. I’ve been this way for almost as long as I remember. It’s hard to look forward to something when you expect disappointment.
I’ve been working on the way I see the future. It’s all connected with how I see myself and how much I believe I deserve. I am getting somewhere. I now want something. Really, really want it. I want it enough to post my desire here on the blog for everyone to read.
This started with a studio apartment that was advertised a few weeks ago. Walk out the door, out the gate and there is the beach. The first time I saw it I thought… Wow! Imagine walking out the door to stare at the ocean every morning! That apartment wasn’t pet friendly.
For weeks I saw this same apartment advertised and slowly over those weeks I felt a desire begin to grow. I want to live near the water. And now I see them. Flats at the northern end of where I live, close to the water and within my budget. I wasn’t seeing them before.
A roof over the head for the cats and I, near the water. Cross your fingers for me!