What are we really seeing when we look at someone and think something is lacking in their life? And why do we feel the need to point out inadequacies? I know I’ve been guilty of it. I’ve then told myself that Id like to see them do better and they’ll be motivated to change. But really, isn’t it echoing beliefs that person might already hold about themselves? Beliefs that are mirrored in their lives? I’ve lately heard this called projection.
What are we projecting? Our own inadequacies? Our own unhappiness? Isn’t it better to connect to the other through love, through nature, through connection itself? To connect through the positive?
I’ve had difficulties with this, both as the giver and the receiver. As a giver, most recently, I’ve pointed out the inadequacies of my son’s girlfriend, her inability to connect with adults, her need to hurt everyone around her, her anger. All this has done is echo what she already believes of the world. I’ve let it go. I still don’t need her anger and hate in my life and that’s my choice, but she is a confused teenager surviving the only way she knows how in her world. She is a being of light and love. No matter how lost I might believe she is at times, she deserves to be seen as such. Now I do. Every time I hear my thoughts turning negatively to her behaviours I change them… I see your light and strength. Then I let it go. Life’s much more peaceful now. My life is more peaceful. All peace starts inside ourselves.
As a receiver, the most common is my car. There isn’t a panel on my little 14 year old Mazda that isn’t dented. She sat through a beauty of a hail storm around 10 years ago. We’re not talking little pebble sized hail stones, we’re talking baseball size chunks of ice that crashed through house roofs and windscreens. The damage my car received was small compared to what some people faced.
Anyway, I no longer notice the dents and am surprised when someone points the damage out to me. I like those who are in awe at nature’s power to damage as well as give life. I also like those who can laugh at my stock joke… “Shh, not too loud, she gets embarrassed when people notice her cellulite“. The funniest was the one who asked about the scratches down one door… umm, scratches? Probably from getting too close and personal to some bushes. My son and I giggled afterwards about their concern about these scratches while they painstakingly ignored the dents.
More often I find I’m judged by the condition of my car, usually silently… you know that silently when people can’t even bare to look you in the eyes? Sure, I understand that people judge others by the things they own, I also understand that it can be seen as a projection of how I felt like I’d been beaten up by life, but I know something they don’t and through their silence they’ll never find out… she always gets me home. In 14 years the worst she’s done is a clutch kit. That’s it, folks. She might look beaten up but she purrs like a kitten, has a heart that never stops beating, never leaves a mess on the driveway and has never left me stranded in the middle of nowhere. Well, not unless I forget to keep an eye on how low the fuel gauge is getting and in those cases (yes plural *blush*) a little exercise hasn’t killed me yet and reminds me to check more often.
I suppose what I’m trying to say in my rambling way is… Life’s how we see it and in turn that’s how we’re projecting ourselves.