I’ve had so much running through my mind in the last few days and I was struggling with focus… how do I catch just one thought and focus? Which thought? Then it hit me. It’s not important.
DAMN IT!! SLOW DOWN ALREADY!! IT’S NOT A RACE!!
Is that silence?
So much better. Now where was I?
It amazes me how quickly my thinking is changing right now. Ways of thinking which seemed second nature years ago and I struggled with just days ago… falling into place as if it always was. Is this peace? The beginnings of peace?
But you know what? I struggle with making those decisions. I really do. I second guess myself. I question. I doubt. If I’m tired or down I get to a point where I don’t want to make a decision. That’s what was happening when Chris told me I always have to have my back to the wall before I act. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.
I don’t… live my life.
I put myself into stasis and refuse to move forward because I’m scared. Yes, I’m scared. Terrified. Of life?
I know why I’m scared. I just don’t know how to get rid of it. Insight. It helps. But it isn’t the solution. The solution is always action.
I’m rambling. This is one of those pieces that will sit in drafts and I’ll sift through it eventually.
I actually giggled as I read this in drafts earlier tonight… and it was only written two weeks ago. It’s been snipped and moved three times in that time. LOL! That at least gives me my thought to focus on today…
I’m not struggling with decisions now. Sure, I don’t know for certain where I’ll end up and exactly what I’ll be doing, but the thing I do know… One step forward is action. Action is energy and once the energy is flowing, it feeds on itself and grows leading to the next step. Then most importantly for my former fears, even if that first step is in the wrong direction, I’ll be nudged back on course.