Packing a piranha!

That’s the joys of house hunting on a budget. Add pet friendly and it’s a frenzy. I finally got it… when they open up these places for inspection to the group of pet loving, hopeful renters on a budget, what they’re really doing is creating a piranha feeding frenzy!

There’s no circling before moving in for the kill. There’s no timeless dance of combatants. It’s straight in and rip you to shreds. Open inspections?! Piranha inspections! The accomplished piranha’s budget renter’s aim is to chase away all and sundry. Believe me the rental market is that tight right now where I am.

Even though I die my hair, I admit I can still be a bit blonde at times. But not too blonde to realise…

  1. Never look nervous… that sense of weakness is like blood in water to the piranha. No surviving that.
  2. Don’t make eye contact… they’re looking to pull down the smart piranha and eye contact is saying you’re ahead of the game.
  3. Smile and make that smile stick… it’s crazy looking. Those who see that smile begin to question the sanity of renting a property where the owner of that smile knows the layout.
  4. Breath heavy and growl at conspicuous moments… alright, that has pretty much the same effect as number 3.
  5. Park them in… piranhas begin to recognise other piranhas on inspections. Parking them in tells them they don’t scare you, or you’re too dumb to scare, and puts them at a disadvantage. Angry piranhas don’t think well.
  6. A quiet word with the agent should always be followed with an almost silent chuckle as you walk away… not so sure why they do this, but the piranhas have turned it into art.
  7. Never, never, never  say you like the place before you leave!… Got it? Never Say It! Never!
  8. Don’t be fooled by the little old lady… she’s had decades more practice!

I’m beginning to think a suit of armour wouldn’t go astray, because…

I don’t know how to be a piranha!!

I’m more guppie than piranha, but I am beginning to get a good understanding of how to work around them. And if  I get it wrong, I’ll look them straight in the eye, lean in real close and whisper… Yes, that’s a piranha I’m packing in my pocket. That should have a similar effect as 3 and 4 above, don’t you think?

Today I decided on a new tactic… I’m going to flirt my way into my new home! Along with an autobiography for a designer I’d never heard of, my latest trip to the library gave me the answer… Be a great flirt by Sam van Rood. In this little gem I’m told… “Flirting is not just about finding a date; it is a state of mind, an attitude and a way of interacting with people.”

Wish me luck!


Image credit: © |


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