Rambling warning! Nothing of interest! You’ve been warned!
I made a commitment to post everyday as part of postaday2011, mostly to make sure I didn’t drift into silence, which is something I’ve always been prone to do. Here we are in March and I’ve managed to post every day. Often times I’ve had posts scheduled up to 4 days ahead, sometimes like the last few days there’s nothing until I hit publish.
I’m feeling that way again today. My drafts mean nothing to me, my mind is off in other directions.
There’s sadness and love…
There’s sadness with my son leaving and how he left, but since I ‘switched‘ the inner voice I listen to… there’s love, so much love and it’s reflected back at me with everything happening around me… except my son. Especially as I’ve begun packing the things he wants delivered to him. Yes, he left with little more than the clothes he was wearing.
I miss him. Terribly. The boy he used to be, the man he was set to become… caring and compassionate. I don’t know this person he’s become. I find myself daily wishing happiness for him, that the path he’s taken is the fastest path for him to reach inner happiness. I’m almost afraid to hope that one day he’ll come back. The problem with the thought is that I want my son back, not this other person.
Packing his things brings back memories. Of course, lol…
My son used to play Australian Rules when he was young. He was the smallest on the team, he was always smaller than other boys his age. One weekend the club took part in McHappy Day, which is when McDonalds here raises money for Ronald McDonald House, a great charity that helps families stay closer together when a sick child is undertaking treatment in hospital.
Anyway, the club took part and I remember taking a group of boys across to the shopping centre with the clown to hand out balloons. The clown… am I the only one who finds Ronald McDonald creepy? All the boys decided to hold on to one balloon each, a single balloon that they would leave the centre with. I watched my son as he watched a young girl crying. Her father was trying to calm her, but the girl kept looking up at the roof and continued crying. I looked up to see what had her teary interest. A balloon floating against the roof. Oh.
Just as we were about to leave my son ran across to her and gave her his last balloon, the balloon he was going to keep, as all the boys were going to. The girl’s eyes lit up, her tears stopped, her father’s eyes filled with surprise. V walked back to the group looking like he was the tallest person in the mall.
This is the boy I remember, the son I want to come back.
Sadness and love. Dual moods today.