Fog! Just Talk Woman!

Dan

I’ve been stuck in what I describe as a fog for the last few weeks. It’s lifting but it still has a hold. It’s not an emotional fog, as I don’t  really get emotional while I’m in it. Avoiding the emotion is why I go into it. Coming out is another matter. The fog is a response to an emotional overload. Yep, another survival behaviour learned from growing up. When I feel like this I end up with so much churning around in my head and as soon as I open my mouth… silence. My mind stutters, my tongue ties and then my mind goes blank. Once I close my mouth and stop looking for the words the thoughts begin to float again. Simply put, the words are lost in the fog. I’m lost in the fog. For weeks I’ve wanted to scream into the fog… Where are the words?

I can’t describe feelings or express my thoughts. Even simple conversation becomes difficult. I know the words are there, I just can’t find them. They’re insubstantial. I can feel thoughts churning, but I can’t bring them out. It’s frustrating. For the first time I was able to talk about being in the fog, while in the fog. I had to force every word out, my head began to hurt as I did, but the words did get out…